The Luckiest

http://www.avclub.com/video_embed/?id=64896
Ben Folds discusses and performs “The Luckiest”

This is one of my all-time favorite songs to listen to, play and sing. I pray someday it will ring true in my life, until then, I’ll have to be okay with being romantically enticed by the song on its own.

The Luckiest by Ben Folds

I don’t get many things right the first time
In fact, I am told that a lot
Now I know all the wrong turns, the stumbles and falls
Brought me here

And where was I before the day
That I first saw your lovely face?
Now I see it everyday
And I know

That I am
I am
I am
The luckiest

What if I’d been born fifty years before you
In a house on a street where you lived?
Maybe I’d be outside as you passed on your bike
Would I know?

And in a white sea of eyes
I see one pair that I recognize
And I know

That I am
I am
I am
The luckiest

I love you more than I have ever found a way to say to you

Next door there’s an old man who lived to his nineties
And one day passed away in his sleep
And his wife; she stayed for a couple of days
And passed away

I’m sorry, I know that’s a strange way to tell you that I know we belong
That I know

That I am
I am
I am
The luckiest

Dealing with grief

This was a much better week, maybe it was because I’ve been busy to the point of not breathing and have not allowed myself to really think about what’s going on. My students have been wonderful, I’ve been spending time with wonderful people, I’ve been getting caught up on school. It’s been good.

This morning I decided to spend sometime listening to some music and reading some Scripture before diving into a day of homework. One song lead to another, and I ended up on YouTube and found this video below.

I was fine until now.

This song has been very dear to me since Ben passed away (5 years a go this week), and as more people in my life have passed away. It was written by John Mark McMillan after one of his best friends passed away.

I sometimes get sick to my stomach with grief. Sometimes I break down in public places, for no reason (embarrassing). Sometimes I get angry. Sometimes I don’t feel anything at all. numb. Today I’m sad, so very sad.

For those of you who have lost someone dear to you, I encourage you to watch the video below. It brought me to tears.


He is jealous for me,
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realise just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.

Pre-Chorus:
And oh, how He loves us so,
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us all

Chorus 1:
Yeah, He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves.
Yeah, He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves.

Verse 2:
We are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking.
So Heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss,
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about, the way…

Chorus 2:
He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.
Yeah, He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves.

Verse 3:
Well, I thought about You the day [our friends] died,
And You met me between my breaking.
I know that I still love You, God, despite the agony.
…They want to tell me You’re cruel,
But if [they] could sing, [they’d] say it’s not true, cause…

Chorus 3:
Cause He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us.
Whoa! how He loves us.
Whoa! how He loves.
Yeah, He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves us,
Whoa! how He loves.

Love Came Down.

If my heart is overwhelmed and I cannot hear Your voice
I’ll hold on to what is true though I cannot see
If the storms of life they come and the road ahead gets steep
I will lift these hands in faith
I will believe

I remind myself of all that You’ve done
And the life I have because Your Son

Love came down and rescued me
Love came down and set me free
I am Yours I am forever Yours
Mountain high or valley low
I sing out remind my soul
That I am Yours I am forever Yours

When my heart is filled with hope
and every promise comes my way
When I feel Your hands of grace rest upon me

Staying desperate for You God
Staying humbled at Your feet
I will lift these hands and praise
I will believe

I remind myself of all that You’ve done
And the life I have because Your Son

Love came down and rescued me
Love came down and set me free
I am Yours I am forever Yours
Mountain high or valley low
I sing out remind my soul
That I am Yours I am forever Yours

I am Yours
I am Yours
All my days
I am Yours

I am Yours, I’m Yours forever
I am Yours, I’m Yours forever
I am Yours, I’m Yours forever Lord

Love came down and rescued me
Love came down and set me free
I am Yours I am forever Yours
Mountain high or valley low
I sing out remind my soul
That I am Yours I am forever Yours

One Thing Remains.

Higher than the mountains that I face,
Stronger than the power of the grave,
Constant through the trial and the change,
One thing remains
One thing remains.

Your love never fails,
Never gives up,
It never runs out on me

On and one and on and on it goes
It overwhelms and satisfies my soul
And I never, ever have to be afraid
One thing remains

Your love never fails,
Never gives up,
It never runs out on me

In death, in life, I’m confident and covered by the power of Your great love.
My debt is paid, there’s nothing that can separate my heart from Your great love.

Reflecting on The Red Plane.

For those of you who do not know, RCC’s show this year was entitled “Hope, Dream, Fly.” I have never been a part of a drumline show that was this emotional, this beautiful.

The floor was white with a single red path leading off the floor. The props were large, white “paper” airplanes and one red airplane attached to long poles.  At the beginning of the show, the audience did not know why there was a single red plane.  As the show progressed, the members showed a longing for the red plane, reaching for it, desiring it. At the end, all of the white planes flew off the red path and only the red plane was left:

Photo by: Jenny Jackson

As the title implies, the red plane represented our hopes, dreams, what we are reaching towards, what we are longing to obtain.

After WGI prelims, the entire ensemble sat in the hotel conference room and talked about what the red plane symbolizes to us. Forty college-aged members talked about their dreams, their passions. I didn’t speak but listened as almost everyone in the ensemble spoke through tears about their “red planes.” I had so much I wanted to say, but I couldn’t form sentences at the time.

Our show was based on Adam Watts‘ song “Fly, Fall, Fly,” and as we drove to our last performance, WGI finals, we played this song on the bus speakers.  We all sang… I will never forget that moment.

“Fly, Fall, Fly, fall.
Air flees from beneath me.
Fly, fall, I don’t care at all,
As long as your hand catches me.”

This show was so much more than notes on a page, fast drill, and gimmicks.  It was musical artistry packaged in 7 minutes of raw emotion.

————————————————————————————————————–

So, what is my red plane?

I am an extremely passionate person, and sometimes I can barely contain myself. I have such a strong desire to change the world, to truly make a difference, and I want to now. I love people so deeply, genuinely. My dream is to act on this love through international justice.  I want to go to law school and be able to take action against human trafficking, slavery, etc. Seeking God’s justice is my biggest dream. “What does the Lord require of you but to do justice, love kindness, and walk humbly?” (Micah 6:8)

I have become especially sensitive to children born into these situations (brothels especially), children who are trapped with no hope of getting out.  I would love to not only bring justice to their situation, prosecuting offenders, but to help find education for these kids and ensure a future for them.

Sometimes I forget just how lucky I am, just by virtue of where I was born.  I want to continue to humble myself through my interactions with others. I hope that I never forget how blessed I am, and I hope that I seek to bless others daily.

[Every time I performed this show, I thought about the next chapter in my life.  Finishing up my undergrad degree, moving away again to a new state, new school, new friends, pursuing a dream.]

I owe my life and my hope to Jesus Christ. Without him, I would be nothing. As each year passes I realize just how finite I am, and how infinite he is. I realize how broken I am and how great his mercy is. I realize that each day is a gift, and that he can carry me home at any moment. My hope is in him, completely, and I can honestly say I would not be here today,  if it were not for his unconditional love.  My joy is rooted in this relationship.

“‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’ Jeremiah 29:11

What is YOUR red plane?