Several months have gone by, and part of me has become over-the-moon excited to jump into law school this fall. There’s a burning desire to go and challenge myself in a way I have never been challenged and to be a fraction closer to making an impact in this world.
Coupled with this certainty is the ever-present anxiety, doubt and fear. I have read and heard countless times how important it is to choose a career path concurrent with your talents and natural gifts. However, I have not read much literature encouraging people to step out into uncharted territory and pursue a dream that is so far from what is natural for them.
When I think of my natural gifts, I think music, teaching and writing. Part of me always reverts back to this, because I know I could pursue these arts for the rest of my life, be somewhat successful and my cup would be filled.
Still, I can’t help the deep-seeded desire to impact the world through law. The seed was planted nearly four years a go, and its root is deep now. My heart continues to be broken for those enslaved today, and the smallest bit of empathy I have learned through my health struggle through the last six months has only made it stronger.
People who have known me since I was little are still taken back and slightly confused by the path I am pursuing. As I mentioned, it does not seem natural for me. However, I can’t help but feel as though the Lord will bless me on this journey. I can’t help but know this desire of my heart is pure.
I was just reminded of the story of Moses. God calls Moses to be a spokesman and Moses basically says, “But really, I’m terrible at speaking, I’m not the right guy for you.” Then God more or less says, “Really?” and then He assures Moses He will give him the right words and direction. I sometimes feel like I have the same conversation with God.
Lydia: But law? I’m so awkward and I am not suave enough.
God: Really? Did you forget who I am? I’ll be right there with you–you have nothing to worry about.
The injustices of the world today will only truly be challenged when people devote their entire lives to seeing even the most minute change. I have heard the length of time it takes for a single case to finish, for a handful of people to be rescued and for societal norms to adjust so these injustices are prevented from happening again.
I can’t help but feel so deeply called to this life, I am ready to do what it takes. I know it may not feel natural for me, I know won’t be easy, and I know it won’t be comfortable, but this is where Jesus steps in. I am remaining open to His guidance as I make my final decisions leading up to this fall, and I pray I am susceptible to whatever it is He draws me to next, and I pray my heart is brought closer to His and closer to those His heart aches for–the poor, the weak, the hurting.
“In different times and in different ways, our [God] offers us a simple proposition: Follow me beyond what you can control, beyond where your own strength and competencies can take you, and beyond what is affirmed or risked by the crowd – and you will experience me and my power and my wisdom and my love.” Gary Haugen, Just Courage