As humans, we try and package everything and have the same expectations for God and His plan for us.  We expect His logic to mirror ours and sometimes, this isn’t the case. We sit back and try and figure out what went wrong because life isn’t playing out according to that logic.

It’s no surprise that sometimes God says “no” to some of our desires and wishes, but this does not always mean He is disciplining or rejecting us. Sometimes it can be a re-direction. Sometimes we are pursuing His will and have wanted to do His will, and with good intentions we keep pressing on. What happens when we’re years down the line and this pursuit still hasn’t materialized?

People will try to tell you that you were never actually pursuing God’s will and leave you feeling guilty and lost.

Often we have our lives all mapped out and it doesn’t go anywhere close to according to those plans. Isn’t it possible, however, that the road we chose to travel indeed is God’s will, and his saying “no” put us on the right road?

Chuck Swindoll once said, “The thing we have to do in our walk with God is to listen carefully from day to day. Not just go back to some decision and say, ‘That’s it forever, regardless.’ We need to look at it each day, keep it fresh, keep the fire hot, keep it on the back burner, saying, ‘Lord, is this Your arrangement? Is this Your plan? If it is not, make me sensitive to it. Maybe You’re redirecting my life.'”

I guess I have been afraid that with all of my passion, dreams and goals in life that maybe I have stopped asking those questions, in fear of the response. I love what I am doing in so many areas of my life and I could see myself making a life in so many different arenas. However, I’ve had my goals and aspirations all “mapped out” for a while now and I feel like I’m quitting if I begin to earnestly seek the Lord in a possible redirection.

That’s largely a result of society.  Will people think I gave up? Will people think I lost my focus? Will people think…will people think…

I need to stop worrying about what people think and seek the One who can give me peace and direction beyond comprehension.

God, I thank you for your perseverance and Your never-ending pursuit of a relationship with me. Give me the strength the take a step back and accept a redirction for my life if that is what You desire for me.  I love You, help me to love You more. Amen.

It’s 12:15 a.m. and I just finished building a bookcase for the living room in my apartment.

I mentioned it early today, but I really do find joy in using tools. It’s something about knowing how to use the weight of each tool most efficiently, as well as the engrained care that goes along with putting sweat behind each swing of the hammer and turn of the screw driver.

Some day I hope to be as proficient in carpentry as my father and Uncle Steve.  I have grown to truly admire the art.

I’m sitting in my new apartment, that has been nearly completely furnished as of this weekend, and I am overwhelmed with how God continued to bless me and comfort me through the stressful process.

Not only did I get almost an entire apartment furnished (and nicely I might add!) via secondhand stores/Craigslist, but I was also blessed with the comforting reminder that I have some very special, generous people in my life willing to sacrifice time, energy and vehicles to help me throughout the whole process.

While I still struggle with adjusting to having very few people I know around this summer and working a lot and doing summer school, these past couple weeks have shown me just how blessed I am to have a couple of wonderful women in my life.

I’ve always been one to try and invest in every person I meet and tend to try and make friends every where I go. This is great, but I am learning the incredible value of having a couple of close female friends that I can have honest, raw dialogue with. Women that I can talk about “life, God, death and our families” (Dismantel Repair-Anberlin, came to mind right away).

When a friend will cook dinner with you and sit on your carpet to watch a movie, because you have no furniture, you know you have a genuine friend.

When a friend will run across traffic to pick up a pillow that flew off the couch she used her truck to move for you (haha…), you know you have a genuine friend.

Take a moment to think of the friends in your life that provide you with unmeasurable love and honesty. Take another moment to tell that person how much they mean to you.

Read this example of true friendship, found in the story of Ruth and Naomi.

Ruth 1:16-17 But Ruth said, “Do not urge me to leave you or to return from following you. For where you go I will go, and where you lodge I will lodge. Your people shall be my people, and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there will I be buried. May the LORD do so to me and more also if anything but death parts me from you.”

There is something uniquely satisfying when you turn the pages in a book and feel the weight shift between your hands. It’s a slow, steady process, but sometimes it takes you by surprise.

The next thing you know, the volume of pages have increased so much in your left hand that you have no choice but to accept the fact that an end is drawing near. You turn the pages at a slightly slower speed, relishing each sentence, each word, each syllable for all that it is, but even with the encouraged delay, the pages march on.  You are suddenly left with a page, two paragraphs, one sentence… and it’s done.

Some books leave little impression, you finish the last word, close the book and then pick up your next read without a moment’s hesitation.

Others, however, leave you breathless, wishing the story didn’t have to end.  You are left in a standstill for what may seem like days, wondering why this story meant so much to you, why you are fighting tears and reaching for more pages that don’t exist.  Trying to digest the reason these words connected with you so deeply, you search your very being trying to find answers.

I’ve mentioned it before, but I’ll say it again, I want to tell a story with my life.  This idea was initially encouraged by two books by Donald Miller that left me breathless, Blue Like Jazz and A Million Miles in a Thousand Years. I want to tell a story with my life that will leave the reader fighting back tears, wanting to read more and thinking “man, what a great story.”

If we think of our lives like a novel to be published in our favorite mom and pop book store, how would we change the way we live each day?

What kind of action are you taking to create a story?  Are you passionate about something and are you doing something about it?

Are you just letting the pages be written or are you actively writing the pages with a life comprised of experiences, memories, friendship, love, heartache, conflict, resolution, and truth?

Think of your life as a story that anyone could pick up and read and see how your daily activities morph into something more meaningful to you and those who surround you.

Leave them breathless, my friends.

This is such a wonderful reminder of the beauty that comes from going through the wilderness and facing course winds.  I pray that I am humbled, molded and strengthened into the faithful servant God intends me to be.

Read Exodus 15:22–27

As we consider Israel’s first days in the wilderness, perhaps we should remind ourselves of where the Hebrew nation is in Exodus 15. They began their journey in the land of Goshen. If you have a map of that area handy, you might want to glance over it as you pinpoint their location. The Red Sea (or Sea of Reeds) is north of the Gulf of Suez. They crossed that sea, then began a south-southeasterly journey toward Mount Sinai. But before they arrived at the mount of God, they reached the wilderness of Shur in the northernmost section of the Sinai Peninsula. That’s where the cloud and fire led Israel into the wilderness, with the shepherd Moses out in front of the flock. It was a vast expanse of desolation stretching south to the wilderness of Etham.

So that’s where the Hebrews were. But why were they there? If God took the people through the Red Sea, couldn’t He take them immediately to the lush land of Canaan? Of course! If He was able to part the waters, and enable them to walk on dry land, and deliver them from the Egyptians, wasn’t He also able to move them swiftly to the borders of milk-and-honey-land? Absolutely! God can do anything. If He can take you and me through our conversion, He can hasten our journey across this earthly desert and swiftly deposit us into heaven. No problem . . . but He doesn’t.

Why does God put us through wilderness experiences before Canaan? For one thing, He wants to test us. That’s why God led Israel into the wilderness, according to Deuteronomy 8:2: “You shall remember all the way which the LORD your God has led you in the wilderness these forty years, that He might humble you, testing you, to know what was in your heart, whether you would keep His commandments or not.” (Read that again . . . only this time, slowly.)

God puts us in the wilderness to humble us, to test us, to stretch our spiritual muscles. Our earthly wilderness experiences are designed to develop us into men and women of faith. Let’s face it, our spiritual roots grow deep only when the winds around us are strong. Take away the tests, and we become shallow-rooted, spiritual wimps. But bring on the wilderness winds, and it’s remarkable how we grow as our roots dig deeply into faith.

by: Charles R. Swindoll

Pain.
Can’t breathe.
Memories haunt.
Pictures swarm.

How much longer?

Each day is a battle.
Each night is a war.

Hurt.
Can’t speak.
Tears cloud.
Sickness forms.

Build me up.
Break me down.

You’re gone.

I’m here.
But not for long.